i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
