Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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