Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
