i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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