There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
