I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize