So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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