I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
