dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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