He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
