She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
