You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
smell my finger.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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