I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
