Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
