Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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