dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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