I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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