At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize