dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
