My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dick very happy bro
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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