I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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