By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize