At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
