we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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