do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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