i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
