I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize