How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
this is an emotional support booty call
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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