Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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