Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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