Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
