i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His hands were made for my vagina.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
