I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
