Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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