There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
