shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
