Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
