I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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