Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
