dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
