I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
