I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
