Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
