so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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