go do what you do best...puke behind churches
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
