i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
