Got a toothbrush?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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