Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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