sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
