even my farts smell like vagina
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize