We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
