I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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