I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
