I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
