Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
