If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize