so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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