so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
