can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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