Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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