I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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