u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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