Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
