three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
