Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
