i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
