i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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