Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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