Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
