Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
