I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
