I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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