he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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