She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
