Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
