Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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