we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
