she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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