i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
