My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
