i dont even know how to be here
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
