she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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