whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
