id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
