Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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