i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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