Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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