Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
