bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
