apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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