Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
