my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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